Developer: Nintendo & Intelligent Systems
Platform: Nintendo 3DS Family Systems
Release Date: July 27, 2018 (EU) / August 2, 2o18 (JP) / August 3, 2o18 (NA)
“Wahahaha! Just when you jerks thought I was gone, I’m back baby and I’m leading the show in the biggest WarioWare game to date!”
My name is Wario. Well, not really, it’s Jack, but for the purposes of this review, instead of writing it in my usual manner, I figured I’d pull a Wario and let him take over my fingers and words, much like he’s taken over the Nintendo 3DS eShop and Super Mario UK Twitter account.
So basically, instead of writing this review myself, I’m going to write this review as if I was Wario and whether it all goes well, or horribly wrong, you’re all invited to join me on this ride. First up though, I’ve got to hit you with one short video so that way, as you read this review, you should be able to picture Wario’s voice in your head, saying everything that I/he, has to say about WarioWare Gold. Let’s do this!
How dare you watch a video, when you should already be playing my game? Don’t you already know it is available now in Europe? I bet you spent the best part of today playing a game about a round pink thing, all because some new friends arrived for Kirby Star Allies. We all know you weren’t playing GO Vacation! All you need to know about those games, is they suck as they don’t have me, Wario, in them. Instead, let’s just talk about my game, my friends and me, me, ME!
For those of you, who want to know if my new game is any good, you should know that already, as there is a fantastic demo out, so it’s not like you haven’t had the chance to sample a taste of the greatest game in the whole world! Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but hey, it has been 9 years since my last WarioWare game released! (Editor’s Note: WarioWare D.I.Y. for the Nintendo DS and WiiWare first released in Japan, on April 29, 2009.) So, if I wish to WarioWare Twist the truth a little to make sure my latest game is a success, so I can get a game on Switch, then that is exactly what I’m going to do. After all, if I can’t sell my game, no one can!
Like a lot of you, I am disappointed my big new adventure isn’t on Switch, instead of the 3DS, but then I remembered I have no money and that more of you “gamers” actually have a 3DS, so even if WarioWare Gold only performs moderately well, I’m still going to rake it in. Wahahaha!
Now despite what you may have heard and what the demo tells you, although the events of WarioWare Gold is about a super mega, Wario-tastic competition, hosted by me, your lord and supreme master Wario, the games you can expect to play aren’t actually made by my old friends. Instead, they’re all made by two companies called Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. Also, just when you thought WarioWare couldn’t get any better than that time I showed you all my Smooth Moves on the Nintendo Wii, WarioWare Gold is actually the best WarioWare game you could ever play.
In my desperate bid to take your money, I told those jerks to pull out all the stops and they really delivered. For the first time ever, a WarioWare game features voice-acting in every single cut-scene and we even give you guys the means to replace our words with your own, thanks to a feature you can acquire to do your own recordings. Now, you might be able to be do a better Mona impression, but we all know you stand no chance of being a better Wario as there is one Wario who is da best and that’s me. Wahahaha!
What’s that? Voice acting isn’t enough for you? How dare you say that! Good thing we also have a soundtrack that will make you jump, get hyped and want to play my game even more. We also have some Mona-level beautiful visuals to make this game look so positively charming that it is just too irresistible for you to pass up on. But most of all, when it comes to the microgames, WarioWare Gold has so many stuffed in it that it’s bursting (much like my gut in these fashionable pink trousers I love to wear!)
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, as a microgame collection, WarioWare Gold is the biggest WarioWare game to date, thanks to the 316 microgames we’ve prepared for you. I could lie to you and say we only focused on reusing old games seen in previous WarioWare games, so as to save on the budget, but it’s not true. We have plenty of new games, as well as the old classics that you lot can’t ever seem to get enough off. But we did take the time to visually improve them to make them fit in with the visual style of the 3DS and the newer games, so you’re all very welcome for that!
Now what do I talk about? Oh, I know! Because of the theme of the game being my epic Wario Bowl contest, to all those who buy the game, I give you a free 10,000 gold coins, just so you can spend them by entering my game. But hey, you get to use a Mii of your choice for any of the game’s 3 available save files and if you are good enough to beat the games we have prepared for you, you will get to earn all the coins you could ever need. (I love Gold, you love Gold, we all love Gold! Gold is da best, just like me, Wario! Bwahahahahaha!)
Provided you actually play enough of the main game, to unlock things like Missions, Index and Arcade, you’ll gain access to the Capsule Machine. For 600 coins, you can buy one souvenir from the machine, or spend 6000 for 10 souvenirs. As for what the souvenirs are and where you can find them, they’re my way of taking even more money off of you and are all accessible via the Toy Room.
Just kidding, the souvenirs are not a cash grab, but they are cool things such as minigames, which includes one that takes Metroid, turns it on its head and reincarnates it as Mewtroid 2: Return of Sameow, complete with cat noises. There’s also phones, alarm clocks, cards of your favourite character me, and all the jerks I work with. But the really good stuff the Toy Room is home to, is the studio where you can record your own dialogue (provided you have acquired the sequences you wish to record,) movies and the pièce de résistance, Wario’s amiibo Sketch!
In case you so-called Wario fans, have failed to realise after all these years of manic games, nose picking, poor hygiene and garlic munching, I’m also a great artist. An artist who is happy enough to paint up to 3 magnificent art pieces for you a day, provided you’ve been loose enough with your real-world money, to buy amiibo. In fact, I am so much of a master artist that not only would the Louvre be lucky if I were willing to let them hang one of my pictures, but I actually take the time to paint different Links. (Why solely draw him in green, when I can do him in blue? We all know he got the blue shirt from me!)
More than that, those masterpieces I’m willing to draw for you, for free, can actually be sold to those willing to be them and net you plenty of coins in the process, so while I’m working on my struggling artist impression, you get to have gold rain down upon you. (Lucky jerk!)
If you choose to, you can use the coins from my sketches to buy more goodies, or you can save them for the main game, as they serve in a very specific way that you talentless lot might be able to appreciate. (I know I sure do.) But yes, the most De-Luxe Tournament ever awaits you and I have put off talking about it for long enough.
Once you have entered into my grand competition and paid the fee, as freeloaders aren’t welcome, 3 leagues await you. The first is the Mash league, where you can make like a potato and mash! And by mash, I mean mash buttons such as the directional and A buttons, that must be used in a very specific way for each microgame, unless you actually want to fail each one and lose all four of your lives. In which case, you can either choose to start over, or continue where you left off by spending 100 coins and continuing. (Sure you could say it’s cheating, but I’m a me, Wario! I won’t judge you for cheating, much.)
As for the other two leagues, among them is the Twist league, which is all about tilt-controls and twisting your 3DS/2DS sideways, whilst occasionally having to press the A button. I found this particular mode of play to be the most enjoyable and simplest to play, but the Touch league isn’t so bad either. Whether you use the stylus or your finger, with the bottom screen, you will be able to cut, drag, swipe and more.
What makes each set of games in the leagues even better though, is the fact that my “friends” took the time to whip up all manner of games for you to enjoy. (If you remember are not actually done by them as Nintendo and Intelligent Systems are actually responsible for their creation.) But for some reason, they all insisted on having cut-scenes that tell a story of stuff that happens in their lives and they actually got their wish.
Personally, I just skipped them all, because they’re not as cool as me, Wario. But you’re welcome to watch them if you feel up to it. Especially since 18-Volt’s sees him engaging in a rap battle against 13-Amp. (Okay, I lied, I watched all of their cut-scenes, except Ashley’s. She hung up on me when I phoned her, during the prologue trailer and I’ve not forgiven her since. Her rudeness is “diabolical.” I also skipped all of the scenes with the Mysterious Girl who has it in for me. I’d ask what her problem is, but I’d know if I bothered to watch them. Wahahahaha!)
Should you find yourself beating all three leagues with ease, before you can attempt to collect your reward for winning my contest though, you’ll have to undertake the Ultra League. These leagues, will take everything you’ll have encountered leading up to them and shake things up by combining all game types and even features games that require blowing into the microphone. While most Ultra league levels will tell you what gameplay style the microgames utilise, there are some deceptive titles that will deliberately give you no warning, as a bid to make things a little harder for you.
When all is said and done, to beat the story mode as fast as possible, you can breeze through the whole thing in just 2 hours, but before you moan about it being short, remember we are talking about a WarioWare game. Just because you can beat the game that quickly, it doesn’t mean you’ll have done everything as replaying previously beaten level sets will enable you to go for the high scores, complete missions, resulting in even more coins for you to own and there are is even a challenge mode.
With missions and various challenges, including one that will pit you in a vicious online dual against another WarioWare Gold competitor, there are 316 different microgames begging to be played and you’ll never see them all, if you don’t take the time to try to play and find them all, before you play, play, play even more! I mean come on buddy, WarioWare has never really been about trying to complete each game, but the sheer level of fun you’ll receive from the day you start playing any WarioWare game, until the day you stop, whilst allowing some players the option of 100% completing them if they have too!
Anyway, I feel as if I have waffled on for too long. Also, my stomach is rumbling and my pockets are empty. So, I’m going to go play some games now, so I can buy something to eat, there’s a really fun Fire Emblem one I want to try again and a couple of Zelda ones that should have my name on them. So, let’s wrap this up shall we? It’s not like I’m being paid for this long-winded essay!
All in all, whether you actually choose to believe me or not, WarioWare Gold is the best WarioWare game ever. So good that it might actually make it hard for you to play any other WarioWare game ever again. It may not be as content packed as some would like it to be for the price of $39.99, but even if you only get 15 hours out of it, that’s 15 hours of pure fun and a whole lot of Wario, bwahahahahah! Plus it’s got me in it, so it’s automatically way better than Mario Party: The Top 100! Therefore, I say unto thee, to be a jerk and pick up my game. As one of the last true possible new release for the 3DS, it’s easily in the top 3 games to come to the Nintendo 3DS this year and it would be a true shame if you pass on it, purely because it’s not on Switch! After all, it is a 12/10 in my book, unfortunately though, those jerks who call the shots at Miketendo64, insist it be lower, so as to be more realistic. (Damn jerks!)
The VERDICT: 8/10
*Review Key Provided by Nintendo
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